Hang Up And...

Drive? Give me eye contact? Rejoin the real world? Know what I mean? What is wrong with people and their need to talk on their cell phones RIGHT NOW! Today, I was in Circuit City, with all of the holiday shoppers, and ahead of me in line was a young lady, chatting away on her cell phone. It was her turn to check out and did she hang up and move ahead? Nope. She moved ahead but she kept the phone cradled between her chin and shoulder, and kept on chatting. Her transacation took, maybe, two minutes, yet she didn't have the common courtesy to give the cashier any eye contact or wish him a Happy Holiday as he wished to her, as she walked away, still on the phone. She could have stopped talking on her cell for two minutes, only two minutes, and just that little act would have made someone's world a better place. Note to Santa: I want that bumper sticker that says "Hang Up and Drive." Oh and can you bring headsets to all the other jerks who continue to drive using their handheld phones, even though it's against the law in a lots of places now? Thanks.

Are You Going to Be On Your Best Behavior?

I love having houseguests. It's exciting having someone stay with us, especially if they've got kids, which means that my kids now have playdate material for as long as the guests stay. One of the reasons I love houseguests is I seem to host the most polite people ever. If you want your hosts to say the same about you, here are some things that you can do to make your stay less of a burden:

First, offer to help out around the house. Does the dishwasher need unloading? Do you have a load of laundry that needs folding? Can I take the dog for a walk? Help with little tasks can go a long way.

Next, pick up the tab for a meal. You don't have to order in anything fancy or go out to an expensive restaurant. Just ask your hosts if you can have pizza or Chinese food one night--and then offer to pay for it.

In addition, always respect the house rules. If the kids go to bed early or sleep late, don't turn on the TV full blast while everyone else is snoozing. Also, if you smoke, take your butts outside--unless someone has told you specifically that smoking indoors is OK.

Finally, when you leave, strip the bed before you go. It makes it easy for the host to throw in a load of laundry, and she'll just be tickled pink that your made the effort.

Hosting the Houseguest from Hell? Here's How to Deal.

Recently, someone emailed me at my website Gifts and Etiquette to ask for advice on how to deal with the houseguests from hell. It seems that friends who had stayed with this person before--and were planning to stay with them again this year--had done everything they could to annoy their hosts. They got red wine on a white carpet. They ripped the silk throw pillows in the guest room. They brought food to places around the house, where food didn't belong--and the host only discovered this fact after following a march of ants to a previously unseen pile of food.

Given that probably millions of folks will be hosting houseguests in the next few weeks, I thought it was a good time to offer advice to the HOSTS on how best to prepare for your guests and how you can politely do end runs around impolite houseguests.

For starters if there is anything treasured, delicate or priceless in the guest room, get it out of there. You can't expect your guests to know that the tea cup set on the shelf is a prized possession that's been passed down for generations. Why risk having someone bump and break it?!

If you don't like people to have food or drink in places other than the kitchen or dining room, state so upfront. There's no reason to silently steam as you watch your houseguest balance an overflowing bowl of cereal into his room. For the woman that had written to me for advice, I offered her this suggestion for stopping food from getting into the guest room--she should intervene with a self-deprecating comment like, “I’m sorry but I’m so anal that I can’t have food anywhere in the house except the kitchen and dining room.” Then I suggested she add something like, “I don’t even let my husband eat chips while watching the ball game.” Then gently remove the glass from the person’s hands (assuming they give it up easily) and say, “I’ll bring this back down to the kitchen for you. Would you like a refill when you get there?”

Give your guest a quick tour on where everything she needs can be found--towels, soap, shampoo, toothpaste, toilet paper etc. This will help avoid any uncomfortable situations of your thinking that your guest was snooping when, in fact, she was just looking for a replacement roll of TP.

Finally, if there is any food in the refrigerator that's off limits, let your guests know that. A woman wrote me once to ask how she should handle the fact that her houseguest ate the birthday cake that she'd baked for her husband's birthday--and the cake hadn't even been cut into yet.

Tomorrow, I'll offer advice for houseguests on how to be on their best behavior so that they get invited back next year.

Take It Outside Will You, or Part Two on What Not To Do at a Holiday Concert

So last night was my kids' holiday concert. For the first time that I can remember, the string section didn't sound like nails on a chalk board, and the choir actually appeared to be singing in tune. Too bad I couldn't enjoy either part of the concert, though, thanks to a gaggle of teenagers who stood in the back of the auditorium and chatted throughout the musical selections. At least two parents asked them to keep it down or take their conversation outside, but they just continued to talk. What, did their parents raise them to believe that they can ignore an adult's request to keep it down? Or did their parents never explain to them that talking during a performance is simply bad form. Speaking of their parents they were nowhere to be seen, until after the house lights came up. If it wasn't rude of me to do so, I would have given those moms and dads a piece of my mind about their children's behavior and how they should have raised them to know better. But I wanted to take the high road and remain the polite one, so I put on my coat and walked out. However, on the car ride home, I gave my own children (who were up on stage at the time) a stern reminder on what not to do during someone else's concert. Hopefully, in the future, they'll understand that concerts are for listening to, not a time to gossip with your girlfriends.

Will Your Toddler Ruin the Solo? How to Behave at School Concerts So Your Kids Will, Too

Tonight is my eldest daughter's school concert, and I can't wait to see her up on the stage. What I'm not looking forward to, though, are the parents who still haven't figured out how to behave at a school concert. Never mind the cell phones they forget to turn off, what about the younger sibling they let run rampant throughout the auditorium? Or the crying child that they don't take outside, because they don't want to miss their other child's big moment? The best, though, is the videotaping parent who sets up a camera on a tripod, in the middle of the auditorium, and in the middle of the aisle. In doing so, he's blocked everyone sitting behind him and to his side, leaving them to crane their necks to see the stage. If you've really gotta tape the concert, set up your equipment in the back, and use the zoom lens. And if you bring younger siblings to the concert and they start acting out, intervene. Otherwise, you're wrecking the experience for everyone else.

Making Sure Your Greeting Cards Are Greeted Warmly And Not Tossed in the Trash

I was just reading a story on greeting card etiquette and I have to say that I was a bit surprised. Surprised not that there is an etiquette to sending greeting cards--this, I know--but that one of the potential etiquette faux pas seemed to be a no-brainer. This one suggestion was to make sure that you send your cards by first-class mail so that they arrive in a timely manner. How else are you supposed to send cards? Carrier pigeon? Other than that idea, the tips are all well worth repeating: make sure you choose an appropriate card for the occasion, always sign your name to personalize your sentiments, and proofread your handwritten greetings before sealing the envelope.

Ambush Gift Giving at the Holidays

I'll bet that sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas, someone is going to show up with a gift for you--and you'll have nothing to give that person in return. Suddenly, you'll find yourself in a gift-giving quandary that has stumped people for ages. What do I do? Do I run and find something I can wrap quickly so I have something to give that person? Do I refuse the gift because I have nothing to give in return? Do I accept the gift and pretend the whole thing didn't happen?

*This* is what I call ambush gift-giving. It's when you receive a gift unexpectedly, and you're not quite sure what to do. It happens most commonly during the holidays, say, when your neighbors decide to spread good cheer by going door to door with bottles of wine, and you hadn't planned to do anything at all for them. Here's how I recommend handling such situations.

First, don't hide your surprise at receiving the gift--staying true to your feelings makes them seem more genuine. You should accept the gift gracefully, and then say something like, "I'm so surprised. I didn't expect this. Thank you. And I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't have anything to give you in return." To which you might want to add, "Just yet."

Next, you should plan to stock up on festive yet inexpensive gifts that you can share with your neighbors. Freshly baked cookies, poinsettias, boxes of candy, bottles of wine or CDs of holiday music are all gifts that qualify. These will also double nicely as hostess gifts for any get togethers to which you are invited during the holiday season.

Finally, once you've got your gift supply in hand, either make the effort to bring these gifts by to your neighbors--even the ones that you hadn't planned on gifting but including them would be the right thing to do. Or, keep your gifts on hand for the next natural time that you would see neighbors, such as a neighborhood tree trimming, so you can give a gift to those who have brought gifts by for you.